Thanks Sherry for sending me my Minnie ears!!! Happy Halloween!

Why is it that we pray for God to open doors for us and when He does we are afraid to step through them.  I’m laughing with one of my girlfriends.  We just had that conversation this morning.  She and her husband currently live in So. Carolina and were planning on moving back to Colorado.  Through prayer this summer, it looked like they were moving back.  God closed the door to Colorado but opened a door in Texas.  One of  her daughter’s and her family is now moving to Texas.  She told me she got a job offer last night from the Dallas office.  Wow!!  Would totally seem like a “no-brainer”, and yet she told me about the fear she went through last night thinking about it (she’s back on track this morning – she has great faith).

I think back about my move to Colorado from California.  God opened EVERY door for me to make that move 17 years ago. It WAS a “no-brainer”.  It was totally scary but after seeing how “present” He was in my life there was no way that I couldn’t step through those doors in faith, trusting Him.  We pray for job opportunities, relationships, health concerns . . . He opens the doors and it’s up to us to walk through them.  Fear is not something that comes from God.  He really does love us!  He really does want the best for us! So, if you have prayed and there is a door that’s been opened . . . walk through it . . . what do you have to lose?

Hey girl . . .  got my cowboy boots . . . can’t wait to come visit!!!!

You know when I started this journey 4 months ago I wasn’t sure what to think, what to expect, what to feel. I was diagnosed on June 19th, had surgery on July 3rd and started radiation on August 16th. This summer has been a blur. It has been a struggle and it’s been a blessing. I have seen God’s hand over me the entire time.  Being a Christian doesn’t mean you have a life without troubles, but it does mean He will never leave you or forsake you and He didn’t.

I was overdue for a mammogram. I should have gone last year but I put it off.  I didn’t have any family history of breast cancer, didn’t have any lumps and all my mammograms in the past had been just fine. I am probably the “textbook” case of why women don’t do regular mammograms. I feel like it has been hammered into our brains to check for lumps. To be honest, I didn’t really EVER think that a mammogram would find breast cancer without first having a lump. I remember the surgeon’s nurse telling me that “IF” I had done my mammogram last year it probably would have been clear.  My “dot” was so small it wouldn’t have shown up last year.  In retrospect if I “had” done the mammogram last year, I probably would have skipped it this year.

When I was first diagnosed I was stunned. I was doing my best to not acknowledge what was really happening to me.  I wouldn’t say Breast Cancer, I would only say BC. I told my friends I was NOT going to do the pink ribbon thing, not doing “the walk”, not embracing this!! I did not want to be part of that club. It’s taken me getting to “this” side of it to understand that I AM part of that club.  Just before I went into surgery I had a conversation with one of my surgical nurses who had recently finished her own breast cancer radiation treatment. She told me, “this doesn’t define you”.  She was right.  This did happen to me.  This was real.  This was hard.  It’s something that happened to me but it isn’t ME.

This experience has been life changing.  I am so very thankful for my “new” understanding and awareness of how important a mammogram is EVERY year.  The American Cancer Society recommends a woman have a  YEARLY mammogram starting at age 40.  Early detection really is your best defense.  Please don’t be afraid to get it done. Knowledge IS empowering and can be life saving.

I have believed from the very beginning that this experience was never ONLY about me.  I believe that God allows some things in our lives to happen in order for us to touch others. I am in the middle of having conversations with some people at the hospital where I had my radiation treatments and we are planning a “Breast Cancer Awareness” event February 2, 2013.  I will have more details as it comes together.  My intention is truly to empower you (women) with the knowledge that I didn’t have.  Sooooo mark your calendars (ok, so it’s a little early – make a note!).

To my friends and family, thank you for being there for me these last few months. Thank you for your prayers. Thanks for listening, thanks for letting my cry, thanks for going to appointments with me and thanks for letting me rant.  Love you all!! Now . . . let’s move forward!

Family 2011

Sooooo . . .  today my kid’s father & his wife are moving from California to Colorado (where we live). The kids and I moved here 17 years ago. Their father & I divorced over 20 years ago and I’ve raised the kids by myself. He and I have certainly had some difficult times over the years but for the most part have been cordial. Since the divorce I’ve carried the weight of parenting, decision making and life in general for myself and the kids. There were times of doubt, times with troubles, times of bad decisions and times of good decisions.

The kids are now 27 & 24 and they are on their own, making their own way through life. Split families are rarely easy. Sometimes . . . so much emotion, so much pain, so much anger, so many misconceptions. It takes time to move beyond the mess a divorce leaves behind. Well, time is what it takes for people to grow up. When you grow up (if you grow up) you start to realize what’s really important in life. Life just doesn’t have to be as difficult as we sometimes make it.

Maybe I’m grown up. Things that were important to me in my 30’s are not important to me in my 50’s. They say that with age comes wisdom . . . hummmm. The longer you live the more you see, the more you understand. With age comes peace and a sense of being comfortable in your own skin. When you’re comfortable in your own skin you’re open to people and the differences we all have. You can’t change people but you can change the way you react to them. You don’t choose your family and for my kids WE ALL are their family.

I am very excited for my kids to have their dad living so close to them after all these years. When he chose to move here he “chose” THEM. He chose to be close to them and to be around as they continue to grow into these 2 great adults that they are and what a gift for them!

Hmmmmmm  . . . kinda thinkin’ that after all these years . . . I’m kickin’ back, enjoying a glass of wine, takin’ a deep breath, feeling a few less “weights“.  So with all that ramblin . . . “Welcome to Colorado, Mark & Imelda”.