You know when I started this journey 4 months ago I wasn’t sure what to think, what to expect, what to feel. I was diagnosed on June 19th, had surgery on July 3rd and started radiation on August 16th. This summer has been a blur. It has been a struggle and it’s been a blessing. I have seen God’s hand over me the entire time.  Being a Christian doesn’t mean you have a life without troubles, but it does mean He will never leave you or forsake you and He didn’t.

I was overdue for a mammogram. I should have gone last year but I put it off.  I didn’t have any family history of breast cancer, didn’t have any lumps and all my mammograms in the past had been just fine. I am probably the “textbook” case of why women don’t do regular mammograms. I feel like it has been hammered into our brains to check for lumps. To be honest, I didn’t really EVER think that a mammogram would find breast cancer without first having a lump. I remember the surgeon’s nurse telling me that “IF” I had done my mammogram last year it probably would have been clear.  My “dot” was so small it wouldn’t have shown up last year.  In retrospect if I “had” done the mammogram last year, I probably would have skipped it this year.

When I was first diagnosed I was stunned. I was doing my best to not acknowledge what was really happening to me.  I wouldn’t say Breast Cancer, I would only say BC. I told my friends I was NOT going to do the pink ribbon thing, not doing “the walk”, not embracing this!! I did not want to be part of that club. It’s taken me getting to “this” side of it to understand that I AM part of that club.  Just before I went into surgery I had a conversation with one of my surgical nurses who had recently finished her own breast cancer radiation treatment. She told me, “this doesn’t define you”.  She was right.  This did happen to me.  This was real.  This was hard.  It’s something that happened to me but it isn’t ME.

This experience has been life changing.  I am so very thankful for my “new” understanding and awareness of how important a mammogram is EVERY year.  The American Cancer Society recommends a woman have a  YEARLY mammogram starting at age 40.  Early detection really is your best defense.  Please don’t be afraid to get it done. Knowledge IS empowering and can be life saving.

I have believed from the very beginning that this experience was never ONLY about me.  I believe that God allows some things in our lives to happen in order for us to touch others. I am in the middle of having conversations with some people at the hospital where I had my radiation treatments and we are planning a “Breast Cancer Awareness” event February 2, 2013.  I will have more details as it comes together.  My intention is truly to empower you (women) with the knowledge that I didn’t have.  Sooooo mark your calendars (ok, so it’s a little early – make a note!).

To my friends and family, thank you for being there for me these last few months. Thank you for your prayers. Thanks for listening, thanks for letting my cry, thanks for going to appointments with me and thanks for letting me rant.  Love you all!! Now . . . let’s move forward!

Family 2011

Sooooo . . .  today my kid’s father & his wife are moving from California to Colorado (where we live). The kids and I moved here 17 years ago. Their father & I divorced over 20 years ago and I’ve raised the kids by myself. He and I have certainly had some difficult times over the years but for the most part have been cordial. Since the divorce I’ve carried the weight of parenting, decision making and life in general for myself and the kids. There were times of doubt, times with troubles, times of bad decisions and times of good decisions.

The kids are now 27 & 24 and they are on their own, making their own way through life. Split families are rarely easy. Sometimes . . . so much emotion, so much pain, so much anger, so many misconceptions. It takes time to move beyond the mess a divorce leaves behind. Well, time is what it takes for people to grow up. When you grow up (if you grow up) you start to realize what’s really important in life. Life just doesn’t have to be as difficult as we sometimes make it.

Maybe I’m grown up. Things that were important to me in my 30’s are not important to me in my 50’s. They say that with age comes wisdom . . . hummmm. The longer you live the more you see, the more you understand. With age comes peace and a sense of being comfortable in your own skin. When you’re comfortable in your own skin you’re open to people and the differences we all have. You can’t change people but you can change the way you react to them. You don’t choose your family and for my kids WE ALL are their family.

I am very excited for my kids to have their dad living so close to them after all these years. When he chose to move here he “chose” THEM. He chose to be close to them and to be around as they continue to grow into these 2 great adults that they are and what a gift for them!

Hmmmmmm  . . . kinda thinkin’ that after all these years . . . I’m kickin’ back, enjoying a glass of wine, takin’ a deep breath, feeling a few less “weights“.  So with all that ramblin . . . “Welcome to Colorado, Mark & Imelda”.

So radiation treatments are all done. Today I met (again) with Dr. D (my medical oncologist) to discuss oral medication. Because the “Dot” they removed had estrogen receptors I can take an oral medication to not “fuel” any hidden cells throughout my body. Estrogen can feed breast cancer cells (which are not limited to the breast) that have estrogen receptors. The medication is called Arimidex (Marsha I can see you jumping on your computer 😉 ) and it helps block the estrogen my body normally makes.  My first questions was, “sooo does that mean I’m going to grow facial hair?”.  Dr. D just laughed (I’m sure he thinks I’m crazy).

Breast cancer patients have, in the past, been treated with Tamoxifen. Arimidex has much lower sides effects which can include mood swings (uh-oh), hot flashes (seriously!) and maybe some aches and pains in the morning. Dr. D told me those are even rare. So starting tomorrow I will be taking this pill once a day for the next 5 years. I’m feeling great and have had excellent healing from the radiation treatments (thank you coconut oil!). At this point I will just need to do some follow ups with everyone in about 3 months. I still have some thoughts about this experience that I will share with you later down the road.

SOOOOOOOO thank you Jesus! It’s time to move forward with my life and I’m looking forward to seeing what God has for me around the bend.

Celebrating with friends and family this weekend.  A “Surprise Dinner” with the girls last Thursday at Hacienda – YUM . . .  flowers from everyone at the office . . . and dinner with the kids Sunday @ Maggiano’s – more YUM!! A surprise wedding cake for the kids . . .

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So stoked!!! Today was my last radiation treatment . . . yahooooo!!! Time to celebrate!!! I’ll send out an update on this journey next week . . . I’m a little busy partying right now! LOL

(No, that’s not me in this pic – but it could be, but then again my hair isn’t that long and I don’t like going barefoot, my legs are longer and there is no way I’d be wearing those short shorts! Anywho – Perfect pic for the occasion, found it on Pinterest – Have I mentioned how much I love Pinterest! ;))

Regarding my “It’s a Dot” . . . that “Bend in the Road” . . .  I wanted to give you an update on how things are going. Yesterday was my 15th treatment so I’m now at the “half-way” mark, 15 more to goooo. Things are going well, just a little bit of sunburn but other than that I feel great. One of my friends told me about Coconut Oil. I checked it out on the internet and was surprised to learn what a miracle cure it was and soooo many different uses for it! I am using it for my sunburn and it seems to be helping. My drives back and forth downtown have been smooth, my 1pm time slot was a blessing. And have I mentioned lately how much I “love” valet parking, LOL. The valet attendants are so nice – since they don’t take tips I’ll have to make them some cookies.

Thank you all for your prayers & concerns!

Some of you have been curious as to what this looks like.  These are “my” ladies, Kathy & Karla.  So nice and friendly. Treatments are going good.  I see Dr. Chris once a week & he’s let me know that I “can” do the boost at the end of these treatments.  The current treatments treat the whole breast, the “boost” is only concentrated on the area of the lumpectomy.

Yippee – I “can” add 5 more days at the end! LOL (Thanks Dr. Chris 😉 )

So other than my “Smashburger” episode, healing from the surgery was longer & slower than I’d expected. You never realize what an impact you put on your body by just walking. I have a tendency to walk fairly quickly anyway, but the 4 weeks following surgery I was walking like a little old lady down the hallway (at work).  It was exactly at the 4 week mark when I realized, hey I’m walking a little faster and my arm is down at my side.  The incision under my arm was the worst of it.  It was sore and swollen and I didn’t want to put my arm down. I had been walking so slow as to NOT “jiggle” ANYTHING! At four weeks – I could see light at the end of the tunnel.  Five weeks – feeling great. Six weeks – feeling fabulous.

I’ve since met with my Medical Oncologist (Dr. D) & my Radiation Oncologist (Dr. Chris). Even though my “dot” had been removed in the biopsy, because the cancer cell was present (even a 1.5mm dot) their suggestion was to STILL go through the treatments. That in “my case” I probably had a 1% chance of recurrence for every year – so in 30 years I’d have a 30% chance of recurrence (w/o radiation treatments). If I did the treatment, in my case, recurrence in 30 years would be maybe 8%. I was blessed to get a second opinion (without the cost of $600) and they recommended the same treatment, soooooo here we go . . . my first radiation treatment started yesterday, August 16. The treatment itself only lasted 10 min. but round trip took an hour and 15min. (have to drive downtown).  Treatments are EVERYDAY, Monday thru Friday, at 1pm for the next 5 weeks (one down – 24 to go).

You know it could be worse – and I’ve seen ladies “worse” in the waiting room. I’m thankful for my “dot”! I’m thankful for all those ladies who have gone before me and have been part of the research and treatment successes to get breast cancer treatment where it is today.

You are all caught up now and up to date. I will continue to post random “updates” and always do appreciate your prayers. Side effects can be similar to a sunburn and some women experience extreme fatigue either midway through treatment or at the end.  Dr. Chris (my radiation oncologist) told me 30% of women do the treatments without ANY noticeable differences. I told him I want to be one of them!

Some good news  . . . . . . the hospital I have to go to has valet parking!!! Sweeeet! 😉

Surgery went well. When you have a lumpectomy they also do a separate incision to check your lymph nodes. They can actually check your lymph nodes during the surgery to see if there are any cancer cells present. They removed 4 lymph nodes and they were all CLEAR of cancer. Not a cell! We have between 20-30 lymph nodes under our arms and if any cancer had been present in the 4 that were removed they would have removed them all and THAT would be another story that I don’t have to tell (thank you Jesus!).

The surgery was done on Tuesday, July 3rd and the next 3 days I was feeling fabulous. I remember telling my mom that I felt guilty being off work because I felt so good . . . LOL, welllll the drugs they gave me were REALLY good and probably were still in my system for those 3 days. They had also given me a “patch” for nausea (side effect of the anesthesia) that was put behind my ear. I was suppose to remove it in 3 days, which I did and because I was feeling soooo good, when my daughter came down to visit we all went to Smashburger (because it’s just the best burger ever!).  Very, very, very oh so very bad idea. I thought I was going to die! OMG . . . I was told to watch what I ate the first 24 hours (I did) . . . well I was told by a dear nurse friend of mine that I had eaten everything they tell surgery patients not to eat, grease and dairy was at the top of the list. Let’s just say it took another month before I walked into a Smashburger again. Oh yes, I’m back – love that place.

I spoke with the surgeon’s office that Friday after surgery to check on my pathology report. I spoke with Jane and when I asked her what the results were she hesitated – seriously – omg that gave me a stomach ache. Then she said “there wasn’t any cancer”. I said, “oh good, so they got clear margins”? She said, “no, there was NO cancer” . .  huhhhhh!!!??? She then told me that “my dot” must have been so small that it was ALL removed in the needle biopsy  . . . huhhhhh!!???

Wow, that was crazy, unbelievable . . . she said that it has happened before but very rarely. Hmmmm, well thank YOU all for your prayers because I totally felt blessed!! Hmmmm maybe I won’t need any other treatment!! . . . wrong.

Dr. G & Me

Surgery . . . July 3rd, 2012. My mom came up to stay the week with me. We had to arrive at 6:30am for surgery at 12:10pm . .  realllyyyyyyy 6:30am (I’m soooo not a morning person)!! Anywho, there were a couple of things they needed to do before surgery. When you have a biopsy they leave a tiny titanium marker in your breast for future reference as to where the biopsy was done. Before surgery they do a small procedure to help identify the marker for the surgeon. So after that, mom and I sat there and visited with the nurses coming in and out for the next few hours.

God is good and I actually felt very calm & peaceful (my blood pressure reading didn’t agree – LOL). Maurene & Pat came and stayed until the surgery. Everyone at the hospital was great – soooo friendly. Two of the nurses that came “in and out” both had previously dealt with breast cancer. They were very helpful and encouraging. Then the anesthesiologist came in, what a kick, Dr. H. There was so much laughter coming out of my room that I’m sure people down the hall were wondering, “what the heck”. I told him to make sure he gave me the good stuff. He said I wouldn’t even remember saying goodbye to mom and the girls . . . . . not so! I do remember saying goodbye to them, I remember being wheeled into the surgical room and I remember Dr. G holding my hand as I went under. Ahhhhh that was so nice of him. (Seriously, if you have to have someone cutting on you, he might as well be tall, dark and handsome!) 😉